dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
