All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
