ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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