I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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