Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
