Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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