hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
