you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
