I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
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He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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