is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
