Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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