my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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