Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
