Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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