Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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