took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize