eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
