i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
