For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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