I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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