I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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