Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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