I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
