wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
