Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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