somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
