I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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