he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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