you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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