I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
