conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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