I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
handjob tips. give me some.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
