i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
