just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
