they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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