u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
