And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
