Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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