i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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