their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
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Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize