I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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