based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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