i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm always down for nudity.
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