when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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