My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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