It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
