I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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