Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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