my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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