What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
