we have officially mastered the walk of shame
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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