are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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