This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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