I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose ass print is on the piano?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize