he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize