worst night to have a conscience
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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