My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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