she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
