I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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