Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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