My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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