i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
