Screwed.edu
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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