if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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