I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
