I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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