I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
