My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
