You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
