i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
