Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
