Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
