omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
