my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
