I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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