dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
