I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
