Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
